we keep having dreams about spiders. the last couple dreams we remember, they were there or spiderwebs in all the corners. spiders don't actually scare me, conceptually, I think they're really cute and fascinating.... it's so cool how many different species there are, spiders sometimes eat other spiders, how sometimes they cannibalize each other after mating or even their own siblings. (like sharks!) but, you know, when a huntsman is on the wall, and it starts moving, I jump because it's big and fast and my body is scared!

anyway, it's a little disconcerting to dream about them. it makes me wonder if it's just stress or if someone needs to tell me something. it's hard to tell. maybe it's just that too much is happening. it feels like I'm being pulled in every direction and I can't rest. every day I wake up waiting for the go-ahead to travel, and in the mean time I have paperwork to do and things to apply for. in the future I'll be able to drive and I'm scared to hurt someone but I want the freedom. and every day I wake up depressed, heartbroken still, and I keep going.... I guess it's no wonder I dream about spiders and tornadoes and my parents dying. I don't have anyone else.

well, Paul hasn't appeared in our dreams again (yet), but I'm reading Dune: Messiah. "The Anomaly" by Michael Rutger turned out to be a dud, I don't understand why people reviewed the book as good, I couldn't get past the first three chapters for the prose and the irritating protagonist. DNF!

Lukerya (he/it)

it's been four months, alright. we cut our hair, I think it was one of the Lukas or Ben or Clancy. it's a mullet now. Lukerya is feeling more and more tired. being an adult seems to be an endless stream of filling out paperwork and waiting for mail (electronic and otherwise). it's been something like a month since I last fronted. this time, Lukerya has already finished off all the sake before I could get a taste. apparently it was peach flavored, though, so I would've ended up crying too.

Dune is a new favorite story. still working on finding time to watch the 1984 movie with Starchild and Rob, augh, things keep happening. Paulie hasn't shown up in a dream since we started Messiah, but to be fair, it's only been a chapter yet. Lukerya wants to finish reading his cave books first as they're library loans. Paul will have to wait.

Currently reading: Dune Messiah, The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling. The Anomaly by Michael Rutger is on our list.

Luka had a dream last night that he was living in the same apartment complex as Sampo, right across the hall or something? Sampo told him to dress up cute and meet him down at the botanical gardens, then bailed at the last moment saying he was worried he'd have 'too much fun.' Luka wasn't even mad about it, but he woke up achingly sad. so, I took care of the last half of the day.

- Zephyr (it/he)

Waaaa. Okay. I've been messing around with this little thing for a couple hours now, and I'm realizing I'm a year out of practice in HTML fuckery. I was never that good at it to begin with, but I'm really rusty now. (Totally didn't cobble these two pages together from other people's sites and W3school tutorials, ahahaha....

Bug hit his head pretty badly today, so the morning was spent at the hospital and then getting celabratory "you're fine and brave!" Maccas. Then we did weekly meeting, sat around for a bit, and I had the bright idea to remake my Neocities so I could share little letters or blog posts like mom is. Hi, mom!! I'm gonna be spending the night co-sleeping with Buglet so he sleeps through the night. Hopefully tomorrow I can manage to draw or something, maybe read some more.

Currently reading: Dune, Deltora Quest 2, and Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint. And also My S Class Hunters. and a load of open fanfic tabs.

- Care (it/they)

P.S: I don't like how you have to scroll down the notebook to read this, but that's not my problem. I'm done for today!!